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THE PERVERSE POOCH a full page two part tale as printed in The Chania Post, July edition. Part 2.

Perverse Pooch Part 2

You may recall my last escapade, the walk, the cat appearing and my mistress, Melody, laying in a deep puddle of water.

The choice of chasing the speedy moggy was a nonstarter for why waste energy when the short trip back to mate with Beauty was on the cards.

It didn’t take long to follow the trail as I could scent her long before I heard her running towards me. Just like Melody talking to her man friend, Beauty was flirting outrageously. Has she no shame for such blatant behaviour?

It’s time to mate, but we had a problem as Beauty was so much smaller than me. Yet, where there’s a willing and shameless bitch, love would find a way.

Feeling pleased with myself I sauntered back through the fence without a care in the world. With the sound of rushing water coming from up the stairs I guessed that my owner was taking a shower. My tail was wagging as I tucked into some fresh chicken and a few doggie biscuits. Remembering my recent conquest, and full of food, I quickly closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Melody awakened me with a prodded toe for she was none too happy about me leaving her. After she raised her voice several times she lowered her head, dropped her shoulders and lay down heavily on the sofa. She’d got the sulks, big time. I leapt up, straddled her torso, and ran my tongue all over her whilst furiously wagging my tail. It didn’t take long for the big hug, the kissing on my head and the patting on my back to start.

Humans are so easily pleased and I’m back in favour now. Job done then so what’s next on the agenda?

What’s happening in the kitchen? I can smell something really nice wafting through the open door.

It’s not long since my last meal but I’m always hungry. Melody recently took me to see some nasty bastard reeking of Ketamine as she thought my urge to eat anything and everything was unnatural. Being poked, prodded and have nasty things shoved in your mouth was bad enough but holding up my tail and pushing something up my bum was the last straw. I turned around and bit him. It was only a small bite but now I’m banned. Melody was furious but I stepped out from the clinic with my head held high and my stride long.

That cooking smell hadn’t disappeared. So what’s for dinner?

Melody’s got the sulks again and has gone to bed early. With her door shut tight and me doomed to spend the night in the conservatory, I’m really in the doghouse now.

It’s so unfair. Her meal was on the table, the phone rang and she disappeared into the lounge. Twenty minutes later and she was still talking. I often get her leftovers so I genuinely believed that she’d finished.

She’s never needed a one minute clean up when she’s got a five second dog.

It's a kind of magic.

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