TUESDAY TALES

March 11, 2019

Another round of jokes to entertain you.

 

 

 

I keep asking my husband if he thinks I'm a  complete idiot. 

And he keeps saying, 'no way, there are definitely parts missing.'

 

Trying to explain what happened in the league cup final between manager and goalie proved very difficult. Here is the discussion I had with my wife.

“Who was Chelsea’s keeper, she asked?”

“Kepa.”

“Don’t be silly, what was his name?”

“Kepa, his name is Kepa.”

“And who is the manager, she demanded?”

“Sarri.”

“There’s no need to apologise if you don’t know his name, husband.”

“No! His name is Sarri, not sorry.

“You really should learn to talk slowly. Now, what was the problem with the two of them?”

“Sarri wanted to change Kepa for another keeper and Kepa refused to leave the pitch. He wasn’t sorry and that upset, Sarri.”

“I really wish I hadn’t asked, she groaned.”

 

Husband: "I've caught us a nice couple of fish for our tea tonight."

Wife: "Doesn't look much like salmon to me."

Husband: "Oh, pollocks!"

 

N.B - This joke was ethically produced from a sustainable source.

 

"I made the trip to the airport to collect my cousin after his long journey from Australia."

"So, how come you were arrested and are now sitting in this cell," his lawyer asked.

"Stupid me. When I saw him, I screamed at the top of my voice. I guess the police didn't like me shouting, Hi-Jack."

 

Boyfriend: "What is your favourite band?"
Girlfriend: "I absolutely love U2."
Boyfriend: "I love you too, but what is your favourite rock band?"

 

Three old boys are sitting on an wobbly wooden bench in the park.

"It's bloody windy today," says the first. 
"No it isn't, it's Friday," says the second. 
"Me too," says the third, "forget the paper, let's go for a pint." 

 

"I took my family to the local zoo the other day."

"What was it like," my best mate asked.

"We couldn't get near the animals, apart from one dog. It was a shihtzu."

 

Two aerials got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. Boom! Boom!

 

Two fish in a tank. "How do you drive this thing, goldie?"

 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but couldn't find any.

 

 

 

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