Oldy-Woldy English Jokes? Maybe? Maybe Not?

What is Right and what is Wrong?

Mrs Harrison, a primary school mistress, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"Now then children, let's look at an example," she said.

"If I were to put my hand into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Tommy, instantly raises his hand and grins.

"You'd be his wife."

Classic English Jokes

Britain has invented a new missile. It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? A genius.

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time

when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

An Englishman went into a DIY shop and asked to buy a sink. 'Would you like one with a plug?' asked the assistant. 'Wow! Have sinks gone electric?' the Englishman responded.

Funny English Jokes from Yorkshire

Stanley decided to visit his friend Alf, a tight-fisted Yorkshireman living in Huddersfield. He found his mate stripping the wallpaper from the dining room. Stupidly, he remarked, "You're decorating, I see." Alf quickly retorted, "Nay Stanley lad, I'm moving 'ouse to Bradford."

At an antiques auction in London, a very rich American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £5,000, and he would give a reward of £50 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall a Yorkshire voice shouted, "I'll give £100!"