Halloween Horror

October 31, 2019

Humour differs from one person to another but with these characters, you're guaranteed a smile with the irony of the situation. Do let me know what you think.

 

The Ultimate Halloween Horror by Rick Haynes

“On All Hallows Eve, a man will change our world forever. My aides have told me and usually they are right. And if they don’t, well, it’s easy to put a boot up their ass or fire them.”

 

“I think you jest. The doubters, the doomsters, the gloomsters, they’ve had their say and they’ve all been wrong.”

 

“So far. But, I’ve got some lovely people working on this. They’re good. This isn’t fantasy, it’s a fact, because this year the gates of hell will be opened and the demon spawn will surge forth and destroy us. Too long have they waited in the eternal darkness, but not for much longer, my closest ally.”

 

“We stand for freedom and free speech and habeas corpus and the rule of law. Surely, one man alone is not responsible for such stupidity.”

 

“Yeah! He is. He’s sitting in a chair with his finger over a very large red button.”

 

“He’s a human being, not some hideous fiend.”

 

“Now who’s being stupid? At midnight on the 31st of October, he will release all his weapons and soon after planet Earth will fall into chaos. How the hell can people drive their cars, get to work or come along to my meetings if it’s so dark?”

 

“Do you realise that you have a very active and tedious imagination?”

 

“You won’t be laughing on the day after Halloween. In fact I doubt I will be either.”

 

“And who is this man?”

 

“You wanna clue? Here’s a clue. He lives in Asia.”

 

“No! Not Kim, surely he wouldn’t.”

 

“I’ll put the White House budget on it. He’s been stockpiling, playing games with the rest of us. So we have the people that we want. We're very happy with them. Our military is in great shape. We have had extraordinary relationships with a lot of our allies and, I would say, good relationships with others. But we want fairness, we want - we want to be treated respectfully. We help a lot of nations, and they are not - they're not sometimes there for us. So we want to help the ones that -that we want, and we want to help the ones that deserve the help.”

 “Erm… good speech, well done, but to return to our discussion; with most of the world enjoying Halloween, maybe you have a point after all.”

 

“I just knew you’d see sense. We have to retaliate first. Send everything we’ve got and wipe his country off the map.”

 

“I don’t like this you know, but, reluctantly, I agree, Donald. All this and more we can do now and only now, at this extraordinary moment in our history. It is time to change the record to recover our natural and historic role as an enterprising, outward-looking and truly global Britain, generous in temper and engaged with the world. No one in the last few centuries has succeeded in betting against the pluck and nerve and ambition of this country. They will not succeed today. We will never surrender.”

 

“I knew you’d come around. I’ll send you all the instructions so that we can attack simultaneously. But don’t forget the new missiles, you’ve not used them so far and they’re more powerful than anything Kimmie can send skywards. Agreed?”

 

“Of course, of course, we have never forsaken an ally in times of crisis.”

 

“I just love our Global Halloween Games, don’t you Boris?”

 

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