LIMERICKS GALORE

I am pleased to post something different this week. For the first time on my blog, I give you a host of limericks.

Some are funny, some are clever, whilst others a bit risque.

With 26 Limericks to enjoy, read on, and have a giggle or two.

There once was a sculptor named Phidias

Whose manners in art were invidious:

He carved Aphrodite

Without any nightie

Which startled the ultrafastidious.

A bather whose clothing was strewed

By breezes that left her quite nude

Saw a man come along

And, unless I am wrong,

You expected this line to be rude.

The ancients' enigma, old Zeno,

Adjourned to a gambling casino.

He successfully proved

That the wheel never moved

And won every roulette game in Reno.

There was a young man named Skinner

Who took a young lady to dinner

At eight, it was in her

Not Skinner

The dinner

Skinner was in her before dinner

There was a young lady of Kent

Who said that she knew what it meant

When men asked her to dine,

Gave her cocktails and wine:

She knew what it meant - but she went!

There was a young man from Darjeeling

Whose willy reached up to the ceiling

In the light socket, he put it

And boy did he rock it

For such a wonderful feeling

There was an old man from Devizes

Whose balls were of different sizes

The one that was small

Was no use at all

But the other was huge and won prizes

There was a young girl from Madras

Who had a most beautiful ass

Not rounded and pink

As you probably think

But grey, with long ears, and ate grass.

There once was a fellow called "James",

Who liked to make puns and play games.

He liked limericks best,

And was never a pest,

But knew lots of folks with weird names.

There once was a curate from Kew, Who kept a black cat in a pew, He taught it to speak Alphabetical Greek, But it never got further than mu.

There was a young lady named Bright

Whose speed was far faster than light;

She went out one day,

In a relative way,

And returned the previous night.

It was just as I feared it would be

I sat next to the duchess at tea

Her rumblings abdominal

Were simply phenomenal

And everyone thought it was me.

An innocent lass from Cape Cod

Believed that a child came from God:

But t'was not the Almighty

Who lifted her nightie

It was Roger the lodger, the sod.

It always delights me at Hanks

To walk on the old river banks.

One time in the grass

I stepped on an arse

And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks!"

A daring young lady of Guam

Observed, "The Pacific's so calm

I'll swim out for a lark."

But she met a large shark.

Let us now sing the Nintieth Psalm.

There was a young lady called Mabel

Who said, "I don't think that I'll be able;

But I'm willing to try

So where shall I lie

On the bed, or the floor, or the table?"

There's an orchestra playing in Beale

Whose conductor is far from ideal.

To conclude a sonata,

He starts the fermata,

Then leaves for a seven-course meal.

There was a young lady named Harris

Whom nothing could ever embarrass

'Til the salts that she shook

In the bath that she took

Turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

A bather whose clothing was strewed

By breezes that left her quite nude

Saw a man come along

And, unless I am wrong,

You expected this line to be rude.

There was a young lady named Smith

Whose virtue was mostly a myth.

She said, "Try as I can,

I can't find a man

Who it's fun to be virtuous with."

An old archeologist, Throstle,

Discovered a marvelous fossil

He knew from its bend

And the knob on the end

'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.

There was an old fellow from Lyme

Who married three wives at a time;

When asked, "Why the third?"

He replied, "One's absurd!

And bigamy, sir, is a crime."

There was a young lady from Cham

Who smiled as she entered a tram.

When she had embarked

The conductor remarked

"Your fare" and she said "Yes, I am."

There was a young fellow called Binn

Who was so excessively thin

That when he essayed

To drink lemonade

He slipped through the straw and fell in.

To compose a sonata today

Do not do it the usual way:-

Take your seat on the keys

Jump about as you please.

"Oh! How modern!" the critics will say.

The bashful young batchelor Cleary

Of girls was exceedingly leery;

Then a lady named Lou

Showed him how, and with who,

He could render his evenings more cheery.

I hope you had a giggle or two to brighten up your day.

Thanks for reading.

Take care, RICK.,