ANOTHER BITE ANOTHER PROBLEM
ANOTHER BITE ANOTHER PROBLEM by Rick Haynes
The Human Story
“Help! Help! Please help me.”
The watchers on the beach could see a female desperately trying to shake something off her arm, and when they saw the large fish their screams were louder than the girl in the water.
The nearest swimmer speedily arrived to assist the panic-stricken girl.
“Get it off, please get it off.” Jasmin pointed to the two-foot nurse shark, and its teeth holding on to her arm.
Slapping the shark, punching the shark, even slapping the shark with flippers did nothing except to excite the monster to sink its teeth a little deeper and the girl to deafen her lifesaver with swearwords.
“What’s your name?”
“Great, I’m Dave. Now listen to me; whilst I know little about sharks, this one won’t let go unless I kill it. And without a suitable weapon like a knife, all I can do is to pull you into the shallows.”
“Look at all my blood Dave, I don’t give a shit what you do but remove this shark now.”
“Take it easy, take deep breaths and try to stay calm. That’s good, the monster is hardly moving and it’s not digging its teeth any deeper, is it?”
“Aaarh! Maybe it isn’t but do something you useless bastard before it takes my arm off.”
“No you don’t, you shit head. I’m bleeding to death and you’re doing nothing.”
“Okay! Okay! I know you’re in pain but if I try to prize its teeth apart the shark will bite even harder and you’ll lose more blood.”
“I only grabbed its tail,” Jasmin sobbed.”
“Listen, Jasmin. I’m going to prise open the mouth of the shark and as carefully as I can, pull his head out of the water. And when I say so, use your good arm and pull down on the other as hard as you can. Ready, steady, go.”
The Sharks View
‘Damn, I think I’ve bitten off more than I could chew. She was such a stupid human girl thrashing around so much after cutting her arm when she dived to the sea bed. We sharks do not dump bits of plastic and metal into the deep green, whereas humans have no remorse in doing so. If she hadn’t cut her arm on a piece of sharp metal, I wouldn’t have ventured anywhere near the shallows. Blood in the sea is like an aphrodisiac to us and anyway, I only meant to take a taste and disappear. Alas, she smacked me hard with her fist and my teeth went a tad deeper. And now, I can’t ‘pull them out without twisting my body which could be dangerous for me.
Calling out is working though, for mother and my kin are on the way. They’re a bit bigger than me and I guess they heard me then tasted the fresh blood on the current.
If only I could swim backwards? I could then extract my teeth, the girl would return to her world and I’d go back to mine.
Stop it! I wish that male human would stop hitting me. Stupid, stupid man. Try gently turning my head and pushing it backwards, please.
What? Can humans read the minds of fish? He’s doing what I pleaded him to do. Nevertheless, it’s my turn to assist him. As he pulls one way, I’ll pull back the other way. It’s working. I can hear her screams and see fresh blood, but who cares?
Yes, a bit more, yes, yes, I’m free. Goodbye, you stupid humans; may the seas drown you and may our food, our real food - the shoals of fish - be plentiful for me and my kin.
Mind you, I rather liked the taste of human flesh, so perhaps, when I am bigger, I will return.
I can’t wait to grow up.