CHRISTMAS CAPERS

CHRISTMAS CAPERS by Rick Haynes A Teller Of Tales

Twas the month before tomorrow, the land crisp and uneven. Rudolph, the red-nosed idiot, oh dear, was playing a tune on the bells around his neck. Father Twitmass was nowhere to be seen, his sacks, full of partridges instead of toys, were already torn. Sending out a pong of poo, the colourful birds were laughing, their cries of come and join us, ignored.

The snow fell.

The geese took flight, their honking drowning out the blackbird carol singers. The turkeys ran around in circles, asking the same question as they did last year. Is it my turn to be chosen, they squawked?

A break in the clouds and the eagle had landed. Clawing his way to stand by the pheasants, he asked whether they fancied a game of chase. Only one foolish bird agreed. Alas, the eagle flew away for the poo from the pheasant was nauseous.

Father Twitmass arrived soon after. Pulling his sleigh, he cursed Rudolph for ordering his reindeer to strike for better hay and dry stables.

Dasher flew over an angry Dancer. Doing the dance of the Reindeer Surplus Blankets, Dancer was quickly surrounded by Prancer and Vixen, both keen to get in on the act.

A flash in the night sky above and Comet invited everyone to meet his family.

Blitzen ignored him as he was face to face, then face to neck with Olive. With his antlers trembling, he knew what Olive wanted. Cupid stood nearby, awaiting his turn with Olive.

Father Twitmass jangled many bells but not one animal looked in his direction. Rubbing his hands through his long beard, he thought hard. He had a plan. On hearing their names, Donner and Dasher trotted over.

Running off to tell their friends January and February were now holidays, worked like a dream.

The geese honked overhead. The reindeer stamped, and the antlers crashed together. Once more the show was almost ready for the finale.

But like all good actors, the quarrelling began.

It’ll be alright on the night, Father Twitmass whispered to himself with all his fingers crossed.