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TWO OLD LADIES

I am delighted to showcase a new and FUNNY tale from the lovely, Val Portelli. To view more of her work click on the link. www.amazon.co.uk/Val-Portelli/e/B01MVB8WNC You are going to love this. Ivy and Pat are neighbours chatting over the back fence while they hang out their washing. 'Morning Pat.' 'Morning Ivy. Good day for getting the washing dry.' 'It’s certainly windy enough. Enjoy your baked beans last night?' 'Well actually, I had fish and chips. From that new chippy up the road.' 'Oh yes, I’d heard about that. What’s it called again?' '"MustaHaveaChip." Good looking young man serving too. If I was a few years younger….' 'Yes, dear. About fifty would do it I expect.'' 'I’ll have you kn

It's That Birdie Time of Year by Rick Haynes

Spring is here, the birds are singing and the land is alive with their calls. But not all that flutters is normal. So take a peek at some corny bird jokes and have a good laugh. When should you buy a bird? Wait for it. When it’s going Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Did you hear the joke about the large crow and the telephone pole? She wanted to make a long distance caw. What is green and pecks holes in trees? Woody the Wood Pecker of course. Once upon a time, a rooster laid an egg. When he got up, which way did it roll? Silly you, roosters don’t lay eggs. What do you call a dancing chicken? A funky chicken. Don’t tell me you didn’t get this one. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they fle

COULD THIS BE TRUE?

The Case of the Dead Man “My lord, I call the forensic pathologist to the stand.” “I swear by almighty god that my evidence to the court and the jury shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” “Now Mr James I need to ask you some questions about the deceased. Did you carry out the autopsy?” “I did.” “Did you check for a pulse before you performed the autopsy?” “No.” “Did you check for blood pressure?” “No.” “Did you check for signs of breathing?” “No.” “Is it therefore possible for the patient to be alive when you began the autopsy?” “No.” “How can you be so sure?” “Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.” “But nevertheless, could the patient have still been a

Pain Is my Nemesis - Intro and publication by the Star and Crescent, Portsmouth.

Last year, writer Rick Haynes’ life took a major turn for the worse when he was diagnosed with a debilitating illness. He reflects frankly on how his sense of humour and his wife’s loving care helped to alleviate the often intense pain he was in. Pain Is My Nemesis I found it hard to remove my sleepy body from my bed. It was the same yesterday. In fact, it had been the same every day since the 21st of May 2018. Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis - a protein produced by the immune system which can attack healthy tissue - was a bastard of a disease and one I’d never heard of before. I prayed daily that it would vanish as quickly as it started. But maybe I should start at the beginning. On the 2

Alien In A No Parking Zone - Part 1

Intro and publication by the Star and Crescent, Portsmouth. Last year, writer Rick Haynes’ life took a major turn for the worse when he was diagnosed with a debilitating illness. He reflects frankly on how his sense of humour and his wife’s loving care helped to alleviate the often intense pain he was in. My true story in four parts. I found it hard to remove my sleepy body from my bed. It had been the same yesterday. In fact, it had been the same every day since the 21st of May 2018. Seronegative rheumatoid arthritis – a protein produced by the immune system can attack healthy tissue – was a bastard of a disease and one I’d never heard of before. I prayed daily that it would vanish as quick

Lizzie Leaves Port

The largest aircraft carrier in Britain left Portsmouth Harbour yesterday. Destination unknown. The Queen Elizabeth-nicknamed Lizzie- was much bigger than I expected. In fact, she was huge, taller than some of the local buildings. Here are some pictures and details of such an awe inspiring ship. Only one previous ship bore the name HMS Queen Elizabeth. She fought in the Dardanelles and supported the Gallipoli campaign. HMS Queen Elizabeth is the largest and most powerful vessel ever constructed for the Royal Navy and has a displacement of 65,000 tons. She is capable of carrying forty aircraft. The Queen Elizabeth Class carriers - HMS The Prince of Wales is yet to come - have attracted great

THE ONE AND ONLY ADONIS

Fancy a laugh? Read this from chocolate Chunks From Crazy Crete THE ONE AND ONLY ADONIS “Hey, Adonis.” He ignored the voice as he staggered from the outside toilet of the bar. Markos always could drink him under the table and he hated it. Adonis knew that Stephenos, the boss of the Zeus Beach Bar, would sack him if he arrived late again, so Markos would have to carry on drinking alone. Turning left would be a short cut but his befuddled brain ushered him to the right, and by the time he realised, any distance gained had disappeared. Adonis swore loudly, much to the delight of an old friend passing by, but unfortunately to the disgust of some holidaymakers from Athens. He tried to apologise b

SHORE OF DESTINY

Shore of Destiny My current work in progress. Thunderous waves crashed against a desolate shore. The white horses, tumbled, smashing into the limestone rocks. Sprays of shingle were thrown into the air masking the shoreline. And the threnody of the wind carried its lament of death. The shrieking cries of the gulls were silent as the noise of the tempest overpowered all sounds. Only a drunken fool would dare beach a ship in this weather. In the turbid bay, the three master, Seabird, groaned in the wind. With the sails torn and the ship listing to port, the master desperately held on to the tiller. Henry Adams prayed his ship would not succumb to the deadly hidden perils in the bay. Over decad

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