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Halloween and Bonfire Night

With Halloween and Bonfire night soon upon us, I think that a tale is needed. But, one with a difference. Thus, I'll start the story and anyone can join in. No more than 100 words each go, and let's have some fun with a bit of humour.

The Week Of Demons And Fireworks

Part 1 from Rick Haynes

With the cold blasting down from the Arctic, it's no wonder that parents are hurrying to stock up on warm clothes. Yesterday, I forget my gloves which meant both hands being stuck in deep pockets. Shame about that manhole cover though, but at least my nose wasn't broken. Alas, my beautiful black eye made me look a tad evil. But with so much going on this week, maybe it will help me to find the role that suits me best.

Part 2 from Frances Cooper

As fate would have it, the director rang me, delighted with my audition for a modern day interpretation of a classic tale – Alex in Plunderland! Apparently, my black eye epitomized the brutality of the world above.

“Why the duffel coat?” I asked.

“Forget the rabbit hole - you're an Eco-warrior protesting against fracking. The hordes of black rats represent a huge oil slick moving towards you.”

“So who's the one in the top hat?”

“That's the Mad Hatter – actually he's the MP for Grimsdale Nth.”

“And the guys in green gowns and masks with knives?”

“They represent the hopeless struggle to save you”

“Oh...” Alex groaned. “Please let me wake up...”

Part 3 from Lesley Talbot

My Agent (Dad) grabbed the phone. Mum gave me the look that, well…let’s say reminded me of my family commitments. The ‘generate money or we throw you out’ type. I have a period of grace because they’re claiming compensation for that manhole event. Apparently, my lost earnings are at Hollywood Brat levels. Yeah, right. I’ll be lucky to get pocket money with that bonkers director, Guy, in charge. He’s always having ‘creative differences’ with sponsors; these Philistines see it as advertising, whereas Guy believes he will create a community epiphany on whatever cause is bugging him at the moment.

Part 4 from David Owen

But what I hadn’t told Mum and Dad, was that I was falling out of love with the role of Alex and the Director’s endless moral crusades, which are really an excuse for negating legal clauses rather than supporting causes. This means of course, contrary to what both my parent’s think, that I am not likely to get a bean for my starring role in ‘Plunderland’ even if I follow the advice of the Queen of Hearts and cut off all their heads or even render my own version to the frackers of that old sixties number ‘A Whole Lot of Shaking Going On’. Therefore, I am going to brave the icy wind and my father’s wrath and set forth once more into the cold winter night to trick and treat the neighbours. I might not get rave reviews, but at least I’ll be creating my own part. Damn! There’s that manhole cover again. Now I’ve got two black eyes!

Part 5 by Rick Haynes

My tired eyes have taken one hell of a battering recently but at least I can still see the sun setting. And with such a great view this evening, Plunderland can go frack itself for all I care. But what to do next? That is a good question, especially now that All Hallows Eve has passed and Bonfire Night approaches.

Bangers and rockets do a fine job in waking up the neighbours just before midnight, but I’ve got an idea which may just surpass anything that Guy Fawkes planned.

So please sit comfortably and let me tell you about it.

Once upon a time …

Part 6 by Frances Cooper

..there was a struggling actor...but the blow to my head was harder than I thought. Now with two black eyes - a mask that will never come off - I will become known to the underworld as ‘Jack the Rat’ (or is it ‘Jack the Frack’).

I will slip into the rat’s costume so that no-one will recognize me and slick my hair back with thick greasy oil, before tucking several sticks of dynamite into my belt. And like any rat, I will slide into the sewers – unseen by the world above.

My parents wanted money and I know where to get it – plenty of it. November the Fifth is going to be the perfect cover. The sewers go everywhere...and so can I. This will be the greatest heist in history - the biggest bang since the universe began.

And don't worry about the production...I’m sure there’ll be some plunder left over - and I’ll be able to spare a penny for Guy! After all, it was him that gave me the idea.

Part 7 by David Owen

So after speaking to the director – without my parents knowing of course, they and him are not on speaking terms since the mess over Plunderland – I had to admit that the whole idea of the heist as the basis for a plot was not a good idea.

Blowing up Parliament as a ruse, whilst the main characters (with me taking a lead in my Jack the Rat suit), raided the Bank of England with what was left of the dynamite, simply did not appeal, and was unlikely to be best film at Cannes after all. So it would not make the fortune I hoped. The director asked me if this was all my idea and I had to admit that it was not really my original thoughts but it was Jake who had put me up to it. He is that letch who thinks he is my boyfriend.

Frustrated, I picked up my baby sister’s favourite doll and as she continued to scream, making me want to tear my hair out, I pulled off the doll’s head and replaced it with the pumpkin effigy. I picked up my Mr Fawkes bundle of old clothes topped with a face mask and cap and walked off with it towards the communal bonfire whilst carrying the doll under my other arm. I met Dad on the way down who had his old rowing boat on a trolley. He told me that since the boat had developed a huge hole in the bottom he was going to put it on the bonfire. Then the others appeared, Jake and the director I mean. I nearly tripped over the manhole cover again just as the fracking shakes started once more. I bumped into Dad as I stepped sideways who fell into his boat.

“Perfect” said the director ”this whole scene has given me an idea for a new production. Instead of ‘Return of the Jeddi Part 25’ which is what I was going to do after Plunderland, we could do the 114th rerun of ‘Guys and Dolls’ with you playing the part of Sarah Brown from the Save a Soul Mission. Hmm, no, I don’t think you would be a Sky Masterson, you simply haven’t got that Marlon Brando image. So run along love” he said to Jake who went off in a huff.

“Now, is that your father sitting down on that mess over there?” said the director as Dad started to fume.

“Yes”, I said.

“Perfect again, he even looks like Stubby Kaye. Will have to give him a vocal test of course…”

“Why?” I said.

“Well, we need to hear him give a rendition of ‘Sit Down Your Rocking the Boat’ Now as for you we will have to wait for those optical injuries to improve.”

What do you mean?”

“Well we can hardly have whoever we chose to play Sky serenading you with ‘Your Eyes Are The Eyes Of A Woman In Love’. with you looking like that!”

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